1. good kernel
This is provided by the kernel organization (link). But just to be clear, there isn't anything like a good kernel. Any kernel will be written is such way that it will function properly on any system regardless of the desktop environment. Any new kernel will contain bugs which weren't detect during "test trials" or such alike. Any kernel will be kept up-to-date to solve any bug and fix any issue. A good kernel supports as many hardware components as possibly known. There are always exotic hardware components nobody heard from that was released on the marked. And not all hardware manufacturers supports the open-source idea of the Linux community for which the community requires developers willing to "translate" the closed-source code into open-source code and having it tested by many users as possible to solve any issues.
2. good user experience (I do not say "familiar" - if there is something better than what I am get used to, I am willing to learn)
Define good user experience. Someone uses Linux Mint with Cinnamon and find it working better for him/her than Bodhi with the Moksa desktop environment. Another finds Lubuntu much better than Manjaro Xfce. While someone else installs Debian is very happy with that becuase he/she has a running system which he/she can work with. Good user experience depends on your own expectations and your own will to learn Linux.
3. hardware compatible (drivers)
Not all hardware will work properly. Like i said above, there are exotic/unknown hardware manufacturers and manufacturers who doesn't support the open-source idea's and won't provide Linux drivers. Ofcourse this is a major cliffhanger, i know. But sometimes you encounter hardware which doesn't really works quit well with Linux. It this Linux fault? Absolutely not! It is also the will of the hardware manufacturers to supply the detailed informations of their products so the Linux community can develop a descent driver for it. And yes, there are still manufacturers out there who are not willing to do so. Fortunately, hardware support has been improved a big time over the years.
4. good softeare compatibility
I don't get this one... what do you mean by this? Do you mean compatibility between Microsoft software and Linux Software? Like a better compatibility between MS Office suits and Linux Office suits? There are many solutions to bypass this.
5. AS LEAN AS A BICYCLE
Lubuntu? Xubuntu? LXLE?
And you can remove any software you don't use under Linux. So you can have it as lean as possible...
Linux is more stable than Windows. How stable do you want to have it? Do you experiencing crashes with Linux? If so, pleae open up a new topic anout your issues then.
Some people would add that is needs to be customizable - I do not have objections for that too (but it would not be my top priority).
This is Linux's flexibility. You can install it and leave it at it is or you can change the icon theme, desktop theme, desktop background, add a conky or add applets/desklets to your desktop the way you like it. I don't like too much christmas lights and fireworks either, but i do like a nice icon theme.
Honestly, I have yet to see what Linux Mint Cinnamon can do that Bodhi with its Moksha cannot do.
They can do both the same. Providing a desktop environment on top of the Linux Kernel. Your desktop is nothing more than a graphical representation of the Linux kernel you are using. And despite the different looks-and-feels between all desktop environments, they all provide the same thing at the end. A comfortable, user friendly Linux experience and usage. It's not the name or looks of the tool what is important, but it is about how you use that tool.
PS I like those sculptures of round-headed dolls at the beach in the Haage. When I was a child, those dolls were available for purchase at the toy stores. The one who invented them had a very good imagination and personality. I've been there once and still have the best memories of the city. The museum of arts is outstanding - after coming back from the Netherlands, I purchased a canvas print of the "Girl with a pearl."
Glad to hear you like our costal line and beach!
The girl with the pearl....a painting made by Johannes Vermeer.